To live in my country.

Disclaimer: i am not trying to say that i am better than anyone, i am not trying to bash anyone (maybe i am, a little bit) this is just me talking about my hometown, but it can also apply to all Algeria, so yeah.
I live in Algeria, the biggest country in Africa (after the parting of Sudan) the richest country in Africa, we have a little bit of everything, the most diverse climate ever, my country is a rich country, that has the abilities of living like the middle east people, maybe a lot more, but that's a talk for another time.
What I'm going to talk about in this blogpost, is, what it is like, to live in my country, dear Algeria, from a girl's point of view, so guys calm the fuck down.
I'll start with something good, in my country, there is no suicides from bullying, because if someone bullies you, you can kick their butt, and everyone will be on your side, because you're right, and if you can't you can bring one of your family or relatives to do it, all is good (i am talking about individuals here, not the general government to people bullying)
In my country, a girl can't be anything, she can't wear anything, she can't look anyway, without her being criticised, doesn't matter whether you're tall, short, average, fat, curvy, thin, skinny, beautiful, ugly, it doesn't fucking matter, you will be criticised, the least they can say about you when you look perfect is: she's a slut, nobody is that good looking and not be a slut.
In my country, god forbid you wear clothes that you like, god forbid you wear something loose, or something tight, god forbid you wear something short or something long, god forbid you wear too much to no makeup at all, you WILL be judged, badly.
In my country, we don't do outside activities, jogging in the morning? what? are you nuts? have you lost it? Na uh, cinemas? what the hell you mean by cinemas? we don't even have cinemas in here, so we have to wait for the movie to come on the Internet to watch it, sports? Na girl that's for boys, and of course the most popular and most available sport is: yes, you guessed it, it is football.
In my country, you get hit on in the street, in a very rude way, but then when you decline, either nicely or rudely, that depends, you get called names, like bad bad names that are really offencive, and cringe worthy that you can't help but just put your head down and walk away, because the other people on the street will not try to help you, instead they give you the girl, these looks of disdain and conviction, like it was your fault, and not the excuse of a human being that is calling you by these horrid names.
In my country, if you are not married by the age of 25, there is something wrong with you, you are not good for marriage anymore, you're damaged goods, although there's nothing wrong with you, maybe you're still studying, maybe you're following your dreams, maybe you haven't found the person you are ready to spend the rest of your life with, but no, no one will understand, and if someone came asking for your hand in marriage after 25 your parents will give you to him right away, especially if you have the old type parents, you have no right to protest or refuse, and you won't want to anyway because you yourself will start to feel like damaged goods.
In my country, a girl can't speak for herself, ever, you are always expected to be quiet and shut up at all times, and if you do speak for yourself, you will be considered rude, impolite, and not a good human being in general.
in my country, if you're not blond, you don't qualify as a pretty woman, if you have brown or red or black hair, you're yuk, but if you have blond locks, even if they're not real, you will be the most attractive woman ever, that is why most women in my country have bleached hair, they don't care if it matches their skin tone, they don't give a shit about hair damage, they only care about looking pretty in blond.
I'm not joking this is completely real, the things i have mentioned are real and happen on daily basis, i will update when i get the list complete, this was a rant because i felt fed up, so excuse me for it.
you know what no, don't excuse me, i am good, i said what i wanted to say, and i am happy about it, not meaning to be rude or anything, but the truth is the truth.
please follow this blog, because i know you're  cool :)

To be honest

Life has been a bit foggy lately, I'm at a point in my life where i don't know what the fuck I'm doing and it is getting on my last nerve.
life is progressing, everything is moving, and fast, nothing is going slowly, i don't have any plans for my future, i don't think i know what is it that i want to do, i have waisted 3 years of my life studying something that i have no interest in pursue as a career and it is morbid, sad, frustrating, and stressful.
lately, in Algeria, there are strikes all over the country, demanding changes, in the educational system, and they have been going on for a month now, a month, do u know how many hours i have waisted in this month, just contemplating my future, the path that i want to take, but came up with nothing? this year in university, studying architecture was supposed to be my last, and afterwards was the path of my career, which has nothing to do with architecture, not whatsoever, but i have been content, because i never wanted to be an architect to begin with, so it was all good, i thought i had it all down to the last detail, but now that i had some time to think about it, i realised i don't know shit.
and then there is the matter of being single for as long as i lived, that also wasn't a problem before, but i think I'm at a point in my life where human company, and having a significant other is crucial, i didn't think i need it before, but now i kind of think i do.
i want to work, i want to study, i want to fall in love and be loved, i want to travel the world and meet new people, i want to try different foods from different countries and enjoy life, i want to do it all now, while I'm still young, life is passing me by, i can feel it, i can feel the clock ticking past me,and i fucking hate it.

Challenge: Random, small acts of kindness.

Now, if you know me at all, which is to be done, hopefully through this blog, you will know right away that I'm not fond of.....public settings. I don't like gatherings and and i get socially anxious around people, i am not afraid to say that I'm afraid of people, yes, i am; i know most of them won't hurt me physically -unless they are murderers or rapists- i know that. I am mostly afraid of the emotional pain, feeling like I've annoyed them, or invaded their personal space, and that terrifies me, I'm shy and quiet, i don't like attention, i try to avoid places where there are a lot of people, like weddings, malls, the streets, the public transportation, it seems bad but really it is really comforting for me.
But as i said in an earlier post, I'm trying to change my life for the better, by that i don't mean become more social, or lose my anxiety, it is not true, because i see no point in being miserable with people rather than being happy alone, i love my lonelyness and i think it's the best thing about me. what I'm talking about here, or the new challenge I'm setting for myself, is trying t help as many people as i can in my life time.
Approaching people to ask them for help Can be as scary as approaching them to help them, i know that because I've had experiences in which i tried to help people but they rejected it.
My new challenge is try to help people more but do things in small amounts, small things at a time that may get them a long way or just i don't know just help them, like pushing someone's wheelchair, or a small donation or telling directions to a stranger these kind of seemingly insignificant but really important.
And before you ask: yes i don't do these things often, because i have the bravery of a chicken nugget and I'm afraid to let my voice out, besides; when I'm walking on the streets no one really approaches me for help, because i developed this look on my face, to prevent from getting called fat or ugly or whatever people like to call others, a look of sheer disgust and evil, i literally look like I'm going to slaughter new Born's with puppys' jaw bones -sorry for the image-.
So yeah, i hope that anyone that this reaches, will do at least one good act a day, the world would be a much better place, and maybe we can evolve into doing colossal works for the sake of the human kind, you never know friends :).
also, please follow this blog :) because i know you're cool :).

The Tumblr!

Yes, you guessed it by the title (which was very obvious, but that's not the point here) I'm going to talk about the internet's dark abyss, the tumblr.

Now for those of you who don't know what tumblr is, or don't care, it's a blogging website, you go there, open a profile, have a blog and then you can post whatever you like there, and re post whatever you find compatible with your way of thinking, yep, that's pretty much it.

But no, that's not true my friends, tumblr, unlike any other social website, is the most ,weird, hostile, friendly, racist, forgiving, graphic, polite, scientific, stupid, sick website ever, tumblr is the most unfriendly friendly environment ever, it is where you go, to laugh, cry, feel a tad bit disgusted, maybe educated a bit, and u can do all of that by just following some interesting blogs, or searching some tags.

What is really popular on tumblr nowadays though is fandoms and shipping and feels, so much feels you can't even,asdfjkgl, i mean it's the most important part of tumblr, you see a show or a film or read a book, and you evolve this fondness for certain characters, and the you evolve your own theory on who you think should be together and the fanfics and the fan art that sometimes can be a bit graphic (or a lot, cringe worthy really) is spread all over and you can't help but see it on your dash.

Or the scientific side of tumblr, the place where you find an explanation to everything that is happening, in this whole universe, the people on the scientific side can also make up facts for you just to explain that thing that has been going on in your head that you can find no explanation to, it's amazing and extremely educational, and if not, highly entertaining.

But my personal favourite part of the tumblr is the puny side, now this side can be aggravating for some people at times, but if you are having a bad day or just want to have a nice laugh, or want to lighten the mood a little bit, these clever puns will definitely do the trick for you, i know they always cheer me up, or maybe I'm just one of those annoying people (i make puns all the times).

The tumblr, although publicised as the most friendly website on the Internet, a welcoming environment for all shapes and sizes and races and sexual orientations, but it's all bullshit, because tumblr is the most aggressive website ever, if you don't agree with their opinion, or their ship, or don't watch their favourite show (fucking doctor who) or god forbid you say that Benedict cumberbatch isn't the best Sherlock Holmes of all time, you will die, not metaphorically, they will get on a plane, come to your house, stab you, and then leave just as simple as that, never say that Benedict is not the best Sherlock, never.

It is also the most relatable website ever for troubled human beings that feel alone and like nobody understands them in the world, you can always find someone that understands what you're going through in tumblr, always, this, is the best thing about tumblr, when it comes down to it, they're there for you, even from a continent away.it's beautiful.

so yeah, that was my little rant about the tumblr.

please follow this blog, because i know you're cool :)

Living on the edge.

Alright, maybe the title is a bit misguiding, it's not about living on edge as much as it is about challenges, small, maybe simple in the outside perspective, but for you they mean so much.
Because, lets be honest with each other, i for one and i know many people out there like me do this, we compare ourselves to other people, people that we don' even fucking know, but the truth is: the only person that's going to live your life is you, you will have to endure every second of it, imagine going through all of your life wishing you were Paris Hilton, or Kim Kardashian, this will destroy you eventually, slowly but surely.
I'm having a huge existential crisis right now, wondering every single moment whether my Life will turn out the way i want it to, I'm 21 years old, still in the university for the third year, in a major that i find rather interesting but not to the point where i have to spend my whole life stuck in it, the only thing I'm doing right now is the things that i hate, and I've come to realise that life is passing me by, I'm just studying and waiting for it to happen, but I'm making no effort in the process of making it happen.
I've also came to realise that I'm going to die alone, that is not a scary notion to me at all, because the way i see it we all die alone, that's just life, even if you are surrounded by your loved ones at your death bed, you are going to die and leave them, no one is going to escort you to the after life, but before that happens i want to say that i did everything I've wanted to do, starting with small, seemingly insignificant things.
To start with my new plan I'm going to end my architecture studies this year, this year will be my last year of studying architecture, it was a deal with both of my parents that i should at least do this, and then i can do whatever i want, this is a huge decision, but it was easy for me, because, i want to explore my choices and do more in life than just be an architecture student, that has no future, especially in my country.
the other thing that I'm attempting is setting these little challenges for myself and completing them no matter what, like going to weddings, which i hate but last night i went to a wedding, it was my best friend's brother's wedding, now i normally just make excuses and skip, and my friends know that they're excuses and be angry with me for a while but then realise that I'm a douche bag that hates people, and crammed places and people in crammed places, and they just let it go, but this time i even surprised myself when i said that i will come, i kept having doubts and excuses all day, but i pushed them aside, i dressed up, did my makeup, did my hair, stepped on my self doubt and just went, it's true that i had a terrible time, it's true that i had an anxiety attack because of all the people that were there, it's true that  it was probably the worst idea  I've ever had, but i did it, just like i promised myself i would, and it felt good, i felt accomplished, and proud.
one more thing i did ,was jump out of a moving train, i did it, i didn't think about the consequences, i just did it because it was a massive thing in my head, i just had to do it one day, but I've been postponing it for 3 years,until it just came, that day i just set my mind on it in the morning and got on the train and while it was about to stop i got off, it's true that i face planted, and its true that i was sore for 2 days afterwards,and it's true that all the passengers laughed at me, shit i laughed at myself, but i did it, just like i promised myself, and it felt good.
i guess what I'm trying to say is that discovering yourself and reaching your limits, physically and mentally doesn't have to wait until you're 40 or 30, you can start now, act now, do things that get you off your dark little box, even if they were small things, because that is how everything great starts. you can get inspired by what others do, but don't compare yourself to them, you'll feel much better at the end, trust me, the only person you have to impress is you.
you know what you should do first, follow this blog, because i know you're cool.
have a very nice day.

Obsessed With Youtubers.

Lately, i discovered that i have a disease, they call it in the new world: you tubers obsession,I'm obsessed with these people that face the camera, do things, or say things, and you know what? I'm not even sorry. If you don't know what a youtuber is, patricks( eh, get it, because you live under a rock.)a youtuber is a person who sits in front of a camera, at home or anywhere else, filming himself, alone or with other people doing things or talking about things, that vary from one youtuber to the other, so they basically put their selves out there for the whole world to see. Which is the bravest thing you can do, in today's world, that is full of criticism and opinionated individuals. As a human being, i can understand the pressure that these fellow humans are under, i mean do you imagine putting yourself out there for the whole world to judge you? to put a video on the Internet-which we all know is scary place sometimes- and just wait there, and read all types of things that people may say about you, and believe me, I've read some of those things and they're very offensive, and hurt like hell, some of them are creepy, and some of them are cringe worthy to say the least. It's not only about the scrutiny of being in the public eye, it's also the stress of coming up with fresh ideas to put on your channel, something that hasn't been done before, which is also hard, all the original ideas are taken, you name it, it has been done before, or at least that's what we thought, until your favourite youtuber uploads a video under the title "inappropriate unicycling" or "how to parent your dog" and you think "what? how are they doing this? now I've seen it all" until their next video and your mind is blown all over again. And these people are like really talented,they are good at what they do, whether it be beauty gurus, comedians, life hackers, inspirational talkers, you name it, they are good at it, and they make it look so fucking easy, but it's really not. Ive tried it and it is hard, and i applaud them for that. But one thing may skip the mind of the masses is that these are normal human beings, yes they may be gorgeous, yes they are hot, yes they are talented, but they're just like us, they have lives that they want to keep private too, even when they expose a huge portion of it on you tube, they still want privacy, which in the end they may not have, and that is sad, I think that what we need to remember here is that youtubers are normal human beings with abnormal jobs, jobs that didn't exist up to 20 years ago, their privacy and life control is important, they need to feel loved and appreciated, but not to the point of smothering them, because they really do put a smile on my face and I'm sure they do to you too, if you follow them of course. and if you don't, I advise you to, because they can change your life in ways you've never imagined, and I think that's an amazing thing that they do, change people's lives from afar, just by being themselves. please follow this blog, because i know you're cool!

The comeback!

I know, i've been gone for like ages and ages on end and i want to say to whom ever that is reading this: i am sorry.
The self control and discipline levels that  have are the same of a child in willy wonka's chocolate factory, basicaly none, and i feel bad for that, but i had like a wake up call a few days ago, i won't be young forever, there is no guarantee that i will live until tomorrow, there is only today, and today is what i will work with.
In this project that i am starting to better myself and my life i am starting with this blog, i've deserted it and now i feel like a horrible person, but this will be my comeback for the world of blogging.
I am not a perfect person, hell, i am the farthest thing away from perfect, but i will make this promise, to you all and to myself that every week, nomatter what my circumstances are, there WILL be a post every week, this is my resolution.
please follow this blog :) because you're cool!

SKO!

Well, i know i have been gone for like an extensive amount of time but i had some pretty good diabolic straight out of hell reason: architecture. i can't spare a moment to sit down and write a blog post, but i do now; and today's post is about that series i promised of life skills and this post's life skill is amazing, it's called SARCASM.
Now you all should know that i am a huge fan of sarcasm, because nowadays people are seriously lacking common sense and sarcasm is a great way to respond to that. i have searched for a proper definition for the word sarcasm and found a lot, but the best one i found is: sarcasm is the way to insult idiots without them realising it. it's accurate definition, for i feel that there is too much stupidity in the world and if you can't hit a stupid person in the face because it would be wrong you might as well retaliate with a sharp sarcastic response that will make them shut up and make you feel a lot better inside
to be honest , i am an overly sarcastic person; i use sarcasm in my everyday life just like i use air or water; i feel it is a necessary for a sane mind because the overpower of stupidity makes me want to punch people in the face with a coconut but since we don't always carry a coconut around with us (which we should because  it would be cool) sarcasm is the greatest way to feel a bit better and stop the anger building in your insides; i know we all had that feeling when someone says something extremely stupid that you just can't shut up and you must say something or else you will risk your mental health and implode(if you never had that feeling, i have bad news for you, you are the one who always says stupid things; and you should stop seriously: everyone) so sarcasm is actually a healthy life skill that prevents injuries with a coconut to the face, strokes, blood clots, high blood sugar, and a lot of the other things so exercise it regularly. sorry for the rant but it had to be said.
ANGEL...

Questions.

There is one thing sure about this life and it is that it is not sure, you can never know what will happen next, one minute you are happy and enjoying a great song, the next you get a call that your best friend is sick and in bed, and while you get there you find them already feeling better, that is life: nothing about it is stable or certain to stay there. even us as human beings, we are not sure that we are going to stay for long, we hope to, we make plans, we work on them and try to accomplish them, and we pray every day for the best, but the truth is that we might sleep but never wake up, or get out of the house and never come back, or we might come inside the doctors and never leave; well not on our feet anyway, and i was thinking today: what have i done with my life? what is exciting about my life? what have i accomplished so far? and all i can think of is studying. i have literally done nothing with my life, except for studying all the time, I've never travelled; I've never been to a wedding, I've never fallen in love, I've never had my heart broken, I've never had a major fight in my life, I'm always so good to people that nobody wants to fight with me, don't get me wrong i think that i have a great life, but i want more, isn't that like the human nature,isn't that what makes us the beings that we are; our constant longing for something that even us don't know.
What if i die tomorrow? will i be happy because I've done everything i wanted? no, i won't because i haven't done everything i wanted , i want so many things so badly but will it matter when it is too late? you know how they say: it's never too late...well sometimes it is, if you're DEAD. and the major question that we need to ask ourselves is: have i done anything wrong to anybody? have i been unfair or bad to someone when they don't deserve it? because that really is an important question because if you're still alive you can at least attempt to fix the situation but if you're gone, there is nothing you can do about it, so say sorry while you can; say i love you while you can, say "how can i help you" while you can and never take anybody for granted for you never know when you're going to see them again.
I guess my point of writing all of this is: when you never know what is coming to you tomorrow why not take the best out of today and leave yesterday behind because that is where it is; a history...and leave tomorrow until it comes, plan like you're going to live forever, but live like you only have today.
ANGEL

Bare souls.

So, today's post is about life skills. the life skills that either you're born with or that you acquire through the years; i would love to do a whole series on the matter, and the first thing i would like to talk about is a life skill that is intriguing to me; and that always leaves dumbfounded to people that posses it; it is a life skill that is rather important but could lead you into hating the whole human race and that life skill is judging characters. the ability to see what's inside people without them saying a word about it and the ability to know the truth from lies, and the ability to be around people that you know their reality rather than what they tell you they are like. and like i said it is a bless and a curse in the same time because; people who have this skill are obliged to see people's souls naked, exposed, and the human soul is a dark place that nobody wants to see but these people who can read into others can see into their dirty souls, and that is not a pleasant thing to know or see.
Judging characters, i have never been so good at doing that, and for some reason i can't really see how people are on the inside, i always treat people and see them in the way they present their selves, and i look no further into their souls to know what they hide or how they actually are. this is like when someone tells you they are not hungry but you know they are and it is obvious that they are but you yourself can't really see it. how stupid is that?? well i don't really think of it as stupid as much as it is a born skill, some people are born with the ability to see beyond the cover that others put on their faces. i just can't figure out how people are like until I've been with them for so long while my friends can know the amount of information that took me a year or so to gather it takes them a talk with that person..seriously, just a talk.
to all of you out there who are good judges of characters : you are so lucky that you can see the insides of people's hearts so that you can be careful on who to be friends with, because, i think it's just good to be able to choose people to be around while knowing for sure that it was the right pick.
ANGEL

Be Your Own CLEOPATRA...

Cleopatra, a name that has stayed through the ages; a name that makes every woman proud to hear, a woman that ruled an empire of the most powerful ones in time alone, and had two of the strongest men in that time, wrapped around her finger. that woman is an example of what the female population is capable of. not with strength or trying to be an equal to men, but just by being herself, a woman, a female, with all her weakness that she embraced and worked with to get exactly what she wanted. and that is a subject that i really like and that i have been meaning to address as soon as i opened my blog and that is : girl power.
I see a lot of girls in my daily life( some of them are my friends) that get abused emotionally by guys.- a guy that is she totally out of his league, way better than him; i get so confused on how she accepts such behaviour from him, so i tend to ask and the answer is always one out of two: i love him so much, but that is not what blows my brains out the answer that confuses me is: he controls me...and here i beg to differ you see i believe in all my mind that girls can and do control boys and we do it with our most powerful weapon: our weakness. i know that u might say that this is BS you're saying and that boys are stronger therefore they control girls but i say that's the point, we girls as the weaker gender , god made our strength in that weakness, we can't snap necks, or punch a nose till it breaks, or break someones leg with a kick, but with one tear we can get whatever we want or with a puppy face we can convince any man to do what we want, and believe it or not, men are really vulnerable to tears, they get confused when they say a woman cry and they try to do anything just to get her to stop; so saying that he "controls" you is completely inaccurate because the truth is you control him you just don't know how to use it.i mean there are a lot of examples of women who concurred the world just by being a woman with all their flaws and weaknesses and my personal favourite is Cleopatra...
we don't need to become like men to control them, the truth is that we need to become more feminine than we already are; love our girlishness, our mood swings, our oestrogen; our hair, our curves, everything that allows us to be the perfect female that we can be; and if we can do that - and we can- every woman will be Cleopatra.

START LIVING

In addition to the fact that the world is getting smaller by the minute there is the fact of new things popping out, every where you look there is a new experience, a new person to meet, a new food to try, and so on and so forth. but if you are a scared, anti-social person like yours truly, you will find all that terrifying, and just to stay comfortable, you will stay in a protected shell, and never come out of it. i should know; because i go through that situation on daily bases, and i know a lot of people do too, I'm always afraid of trying new things, always doing the same old things i do every single day, which is something i don't understand because i get bored very easily, but some how i seem to repeat myself more than i would like to admit. i have panic attacks when i meet a large group of people, that i don't know, like in a wedding or a party; and i hate too much noise, i am like an old lady who's husband just died, and she is hating n everything and everybody. but i have learnt lately- from the lovely blogger Zoe-that i should just say YES, and be more bold in life, and just put myself out there to experiences, and that is what I'm trying to do.

 See the thing is, we are not really afraid of the new things,or trying them, because what you don't know can't hurt you, and what you have never tried before, you will not know how it's going to be until you do.what we really are afraind of is failing, and the look of others if that happened. but you know what: who cares what everybody thinks? if we didn't, no one will. so i started lately on this new project of mine and it is simple, it consists of doing ten things I'm not comfortable doing every day, ten small things, like keeping eye contact and smiling to a cute boy who was smiling at me, or going for a shopping day with your friends without worrying how you will look, or just buying something new to wear, that you would have never even picked out the rack before, and actually wear it. im not saying that we should break the boundries, and jump off a cliff, or rob a bank ( although that would be cool). but just these small controled adrenaline rushes will give you the power you need, that when in the future you want to make a big decision in life, you won't hesitate, and think it through too much, that you lose the opprtunity to do something great, like a job decision in a distant city; or anything else that the hesitation and the fear of stepping out of your comfort zone will ruin for you. we should start living rather than just existing. why should we be so afraid of life when all it takes is just to be a little brave, for the real danger  lies within our heads. stop existing and start living.

ANGEL

growing up!!

If you know me personally you would know that I'm a 20 year old "young lady", but i never act based on my age because i have the life of a 17 year old teenager. i have completely failed to catch up with my age , mentality and attitude and behaviour wise; i don't think that growing up is essential for living a good life, i mean why so serious? actually I'm TERRIFIED of growing up or growing old, it scares me to death and makes me cringe; i hate talking about grown up topics. you may think that i am retarded. I'm not. the reason that i hate growing up so much is because of the responsibilities; i don't like them for they are a heavy burden and i think about them too much, if I'm given a simple task to do i would take too seriously no matter how simple it is i will take it seriously until it's done to perfection and i mean perfection because I'm a true perfectionist, and that serious mood i put myself into deprives me of having fun and being just me.
the other reason why i don't like growing up is the biggest responsibility known to mankind: marriage. now; no matter where you live around this world, girls have so much pressure on them to get married , and yes only girls because a guy if he doesn't get married he is the eternal stud but girls have to get married and have kids and we get that stupid cliche put in our heads since we're young with the dolls and the kitchen  ware toys and when we're older we read all these romantic fairy tales about finding prince charming so were practically brain washed into thinking that it's our destiny to be married and that we are not complete until we are with a man; now don't get me wrong I'm not against that because i know that having another person in your life is an essential at least you won't die alone but it is not the only thing in the world worth accomplishing, especially for us girls, for we need to achieve our own way in life and we have nobody to rely on, we're not in the 50's anymore. another and the last reason i dread the idea of growing up is because i am terrible at interacting with people i don't know like shop vendors and bus ticket collectors and such i just don't feel comfortable and pushing out of the comfort zone is scary; but now i do it on daily bases because i like the rush it gives me. but i still don't want to grow up, is that really hard to do? i don't want to lose my playful spirit and my child like soul.. we only grow up when we stop playing and as for me that will never happen. I here by declare that my young days will never be over.I refuse to grow up.
ANGEL

You're not stupid

-When i was little, i used to believe anything anybody would tell me , i was the most naive child i knew, even now i see kids that are wittier and wiser than i am and was. and since i have an evil older sister -and like all older sisters- she loved to torture me.
We used to live next to a river; and it was a scary place. so she told me that there was a headless witch living there, and of course i believed it, and didn't go by that place for months. and i would wake up in the middle of the night screaming from the nightmares i had. but after a while i decided to take action against my fear, so i asked my sister to take me and show me the witch. at first she was hesitant, but then she did take me. i think she didn't want to come across as a liar and she hoped so hard that there would be a witch- as i said we were sooo young.
After a whole day at the river; she was tired and hungry -and so was i but i wouldn't show it- but she admitted that she was lying and that there is no witch at that place and i won; despite the fact of being scared and tired and hungry i won.
After that incredibly long story what I'm trying to get out of this is that i was -and still am- a very believing person i believe things very easily and i get scolded for it sometimes.but this this how i am  and i can't say that this quality of mine has done me any good, because once people catch on to you, that you believe everything you're told; they will think that you are weak and naive and will start taking advantage of you in any way possible whether it be: emotional or physical or financial .it is in the human nature and that's how we are made. but the truth is; i am not weak nor naive, i just have faith that everytime will be different than the last one ;and that this time everything will be just fine. I'm not retarded or have mental problems for thinking so, I'm just hopeful, but it almost never comes true, what i hope for.
But for people like me out there, i say that it  doesn't mean that you should lose your faith in humanit,y and in yourself, and think that the lonelier you are the better, it is not, trust me I've tried it. what you should do is what i learnt from my own childhood story. i was a brave child and decided that i will always stay that way. because the thing is; you don't have a choice either you step up and get your courage and face the world. or you stay locked up in a cocoon of self and world loath, and that my friends isn't healthy at all. and holding grudges against people who have taken advantage of you, is just going to drain your spirit and take away your laugh,and we don't want that now do we?
So learn to forgive, and let go, but never forget, and learn from your mistakes and never lose faith in humanity. because there will always be goodness in people, and that is something i will always believe no matter what and i will believe it from the depths of my heart.
ANGEL

LISTEN

-So i don't know if anyone is reading this or not, i really hope you are but i know it won't be that fast i mean i just started writing like 3 days ago but i really want to reach out to as many people as i can.
- the main thing i like doing in my life-and i do it a lot- is trying to make people feel good about themselves and the world, i am a very good listener and that's why I'm writing now because i think listening to people is extremely important to have a happy and active social life at least with the people that are around you like your friends, your sisters, your parents, etc. listening to people makes them believe that you want to help them even if you don't know how to sometimes a simple gesture like listening attentively and offering a hug at the end is very important and count as much as 50 hours with a specialist.
-if you care about someone listen to them, don't hear them, listen to them it will mean the world to them.

Giving up.

-Such a depressing start, i know but it is what came to my thoughts. today im talking on the subject of loving someone that your best friend also tends to like, only like him while you are deeply in love with him. it is a difficult thing to think about, on one side you feel things for that person that you've never thought you'd feel for anybody else, you thought you'd never fall ever, for anybody, you're jealous about him even though he's only your best friend and you know deep down in your heart thats all he'll ever be because your self confidence is absent makes it impossible for you to even approach the subject of you having feelings for him.
and then comes your best friends who is cute and beautiful and has an unbelievable confidence and always gets what she wants especially men who fall in line just to have a chance with her. you know she can have him , you know she will hae him and you know she is going to break his heart.
I hear you say: if she is your friend she will step aside and leave him for you. but i tell u that leaving a catch like that is insane even if i am her best friend for he is a kind,funny,loving, generous person and many more qualities. and besides she can't help it once she wants something nothing will get in her way ,even friendship.
and if you say that i am overreacting over some boy and that i should just leave him to my bestfriend since i am that weak to take actions and atleast to try and get to him and with you i agree because in my opinion: if one doesn't fight for what he really wants in life than he doesn't deserve it.

first blog

So yeah, I've just started a blog here; i know it's going to be fun and so exiting. If you're wondering what I'm going to blog about then i tell u: nothing specific, just day to day thoughts that pop into my head, it might not be interesting to some of u, it might inspire others, and i know a lot of u will be bored and confused by them because the thing is ; I'm horrible at talking, explaining , or getting my point across, but I'll try my best here because i have a lot to talk about and you're going to want to read it. hopefully you'll enjoy it and have a good time here. 

ANGEL