Because, lets be honest with each other, i for one and i know many people out there like me do this, we compare ourselves to other people, people that we don' even fucking know, but the truth is: the only person that's going to live your life is you, you will have to endure every second of it, imagine going through all of your life wishing you were Paris Hilton, or Kim Kardashian, this will destroy you eventually, slowly but surely.
I'm having a huge existential crisis right now, wondering every single moment whether my Life will turn out the way i want it to, I'm 21 years old, still in the university for the third year, in a major that i find rather interesting but not to the point where i have to spend my whole life stuck in it, the only thing I'm doing right now is the things that i hate, and I've come to realise that life is passing me by, I'm just studying and waiting for it to happen, but I'm making no effort in the process of making it happen.
I've also came to realise that I'm going to die alone, that is not a scary notion to me at all, because the way i see it we all die alone, that's just life, even if you are surrounded by your loved ones at your death bed, you are going to die and leave them, no one is going to escort you to the after life, but before that happens i want to say that i did everything I've wanted to do, starting with small, seemingly insignificant things.
To start with my new plan I'm going to end my architecture studies this year, this year will be my last year of studying architecture, it was a deal with both of my parents that i should at least do this, and then i can do whatever i want, this is a huge decision, but it was easy for me, because, i want to explore my choices and do more in life than just be an architecture student, that has no future, especially in my country.
the other thing that I'm attempting is setting these little challenges for myself and completing them no matter what, like going to weddings, which i hate but last night i went to a wedding, it was my best friend's brother's wedding, now i normally just make excuses and skip, and my friends know that they're excuses and be angry with me for a while but then realise that I'm a douche bag that hates people, and crammed places and people in crammed places, and they just let it go, but this time i even surprised myself when i said that i will come, i kept having doubts and excuses all day, but i pushed them aside, i dressed up, did my makeup, did my hair, stepped on my self doubt and just went, it's true that i had a terrible time, it's true that i had an anxiety attack because of all the people that were there, it's true that it was probably the worst idea I've ever had, but i did it, just like i promised myself i would, and it felt good, i felt accomplished, and proud.
one more thing i did ,was jump out of a moving train, i did it, i didn't think about the consequences, i just did it because it was a massive thing in my head, i just had to do it one day, but I've been postponing it for 3 years,until it just came, that day i just set my mind on it in the morning and got on the train and while it was about to stop i got off, it's true that i face planted, and its true that i was sore for 2 days afterwards,and it's true that all the passengers laughed at me, shit i laughed at myself, but i did it, just like i promised myself, and it felt good.
i guess what I'm trying to say is that discovering yourself and reaching your limits, physically and mentally doesn't have to wait until you're 40 or 30, you can start now, act now, do things that get you off your dark little box, even if they were small things, because that is how everything great starts. you can get inspired by what others do, but don't compare yourself to them, you'll feel much better at the end, trust me, the only person you have to impress is you.
you know what you should do first, follow this blog, because i know you're cool.
have a very nice day.
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