growing up!!

If you know me personally you would know that I'm a 20 year old "young lady", but i never act based on my age because i have the life of a 17 year old teenager. i have completely failed to catch up with my age , mentality and attitude and behaviour wise; i don't think that growing up is essential for living a good life, i mean why so serious? actually I'm TERRIFIED of growing up or growing old, it scares me to death and makes me cringe; i hate talking about grown up topics. you may think that i am retarded. I'm not. the reason that i hate growing up so much is because of the responsibilities; i don't like them for they are a heavy burden and i think about them too much, if I'm given a simple task to do i would take too seriously no matter how simple it is i will take it seriously until it's done to perfection and i mean perfection because I'm a true perfectionist, and that serious mood i put myself into deprives me of having fun and being just me.
the other reason why i don't like growing up is the biggest responsibility known to mankind: marriage. now; no matter where you live around this world, girls have so much pressure on them to get married , and yes only girls because a guy if he doesn't get married he is the eternal stud but girls have to get married and have kids and we get that stupid cliche put in our heads since we're young with the dolls and the kitchen  ware toys and when we're older we read all these romantic fairy tales about finding prince charming so were practically brain washed into thinking that it's our destiny to be married and that we are not complete until we are with a man; now don't get me wrong I'm not against that because i know that having another person in your life is an essential at least you won't die alone but it is not the only thing in the world worth accomplishing, especially for us girls, for we need to achieve our own way in life and we have nobody to rely on, we're not in the 50's anymore. another and the last reason i dread the idea of growing up is because i am terrible at interacting with people i don't know like shop vendors and bus ticket collectors and such i just don't feel comfortable and pushing out of the comfort zone is scary; but now i do it on daily bases because i like the rush it gives me. but i still don't want to grow up, is that really hard to do? i don't want to lose my playful spirit and my child like soul.. we only grow up when we stop playing and as for me that will never happen. I here by declare that my young days will never be over.I refuse to grow up.
ANGEL

You're not stupid

-When i was little, i used to believe anything anybody would tell me , i was the most naive child i knew, even now i see kids that are wittier and wiser than i am and was. and since i have an evil older sister -and like all older sisters- she loved to torture me.
We used to live next to a river; and it was a scary place. so she told me that there was a headless witch living there, and of course i believed it, and didn't go by that place for months. and i would wake up in the middle of the night screaming from the nightmares i had. but after a while i decided to take action against my fear, so i asked my sister to take me and show me the witch. at first she was hesitant, but then she did take me. i think she didn't want to come across as a liar and she hoped so hard that there would be a witch- as i said we were sooo young.
After a whole day at the river; she was tired and hungry -and so was i but i wouldn't show it- but she admitted that she was lying and that there is no witch at that place and i won; despite the fact of being scared and tired and hungry i won.
After that incredibly long story what I'm trying to get out of this is that i was -and still am- a very believing person i believe things very easily and i get scolded for it sometimes.but this this how i am  and i can't say that this quality of mine has done me any good, because once people catch on to you, that you believe everything you're told; they will think that you are weak and naive and will start taking advantage of you in any way possible whether it be: emotional or physical or financial .it is in the human nature and that's how we are made. but the truth is; i am not weak nor naive, i just have faith that everytime will be different than the last one ;and that this time everything will be just fine. I'm not retarded or have mental problems for thinking so, I'm just hopeful, but it almost never comes true, what i hope for.
But for people like me out there, i say that it  doesn't mean that you should lose your faith in humanit,y and in yourself, and think that the lonelier you are the better, it is not, trust me I've tried it. what you should do is what i learnt from my own childhood story. i was a brave child and decided that i will always stay that way. because the thing is; you don't have a choice either you step up and get your courage and face the world. or you stay locked up in a cocoon of self and world loath, and that my friends isn't healthy at all. and holding grudges against people who have taken advantage of you, is just going to drain your spirit and take away your laugh,and we don't want that now do we?
So learn to forgive, and let go, but never forget, and learn from your mistakes and never lose faith in humanity. because there will always be goodness in people, and that is something i will always believe no matter what and i will believe it from the depths of my heart.
ANGEL

LISTEN

-So i don't know if anyone is reading this or not, i really hope you are but i know it won't be that fast i mean i just started writing like 3 days ago but i really want to reach out to as many people as i can.
- the main thing i like doing in my life-and i do it a lot- is trying to make people feel good about themselves and the world, i am a very good listener and that's why I'm writing now because i think listening to people is extremely important to have a happy and active social life at least with the people that are around you like your friends, your sisters, your parents, etc. listening to people makes them believe that you want to help them even if you don't know how to sometimes a simple gesture like listening attentively and offering a hug at the end is very important and count as much as 50 hours with a specialist.
-if you care about someone listen to them, don't hear them, listen to them it will mean the world to them.

Giving up.

-Such a depressing start, i know but it is what came to my thoughts. today im talking on the subject of loving someone that your best friend also tends to like, only like him while you are deeply in love with him. it is a difficult thing to think about, on one side you feel things for that person that you've never thought you'd feel for anybody else, you thought you'd never fall ever, for anybody, you're jealous about him even though he's only your best friend and you know deep down in your heart thats all he'll ever be because your self confidence is absent makes it impossible for you to even approach the subject of you having feelings for him.
and then comes your best friends who is cute and beautiful and has an unbelievable confidence and always gets what she wants especially men who fall in line just to have a chance with her. you know she can have him , you know she will hae him and you know she is going to break his heart.
I hear you say: if she is your friend she will step aside and leave him for you. but i tell u that leaving a catch like that is insane even if i am her best friend for he is a kind,funny,loving, generous person and many more qualities. and besides she can't help it once she wants something nothing will get in her way ,even friendship.
and if you say that i am overreacting over some boy and that i should just leave him to my bestfriend since i am that weak to take actions and atleast to try and get to him and with you i agree because in my opinion: if one doesn't fight for what he really wants in life than he doesn't deserve it.

first blog

So yeah, I've just started a blog here; i know it's going to be fun and so exiting. If you're wondering what I'm going to blog about then i tell u: nothing specific, just day to day thoughts that pop into my head, it might not be interesting to some of u, it might inspire others, and i know a lot of u will be bored and confused by them because the thing is ; I'm horrible at talking, explaining , or getting my point across, but I'll try my best here because i have a lot to talk about and you're going to want to read it. hopefully you'll enjoy it and have a good time here. 

ANGEL